Without You
by Moon Fever
Summary: Goku knows that his death is inevitable during the cell tournament, so before the games he tries to make Chi-Chi realise how much he cares despite not showing much of it. How will Chi-Chi cope after finding out Goku would die? CC/G fic. Don’t ya love em
1. I don't want to know regret

Summary: Goku knows that his death is inevitable during the cell tournament, so before the games he tries to make Chi-Chi realise how much he cares despite not showing much of it. How will Chi-Chi cope after finding out Goku would die? CC/G fic. Don't ya love em?

Authors Note: Yes, I, The almighty author has *shamefully hangs head* NOTHING to do with the production and scripting of DBZ etc. If you think I make money by writing *COUGH* then you are sorely mistaken...

The night was nearly half gone. The finest tendrils of light filtered through the curtains indicative of the fast approaching dawn. Goku lay awake, his thoughts swarmed around his head, unorganised and confused. The Cell games crept ever closer with every second. Usually Goku instinctively knew what the outcome of major enemy battles would be, whether he succeed or fail. But now Goku was uncertain, his heart held the uncertainty. He was worried, a feeling he wasn't really accustomed to but he wasn't worried for himself. His anxiousness didn't concern him but it was directed to his family. In contrast to fighting and training, his family especially played such a little but yet a vital role in his life, and with that he felt such a consuming guilt. Goku needed to thank Chi-Chi for her patience and love but he didn't know how to, despite his yearning to. These thoughts swam through his mind, consuming him. He rested with Gohan before these Cell games solely for the purpose of emptying his mind. He knew that him and Gohan must have a clear mind and conscience before fighting but he even found it hard to suppress his guilt by merely glancing at Chi-Chi.

Tonight, Goku lay beside her sleeping figure. He rolled over on his side to face her. Something about her tonight was so intense, staring at her seemed to make Cell's tournament just linger in his head. Goku was so intently conscious of every particle of energy from Chi-chi tonight. he sensed the heat from her body, especially from her legs that were entwined with his own. Her sleeping gear lay ruffled on her still body while one of Chi-chi's shoulders gleamed in the light. Goku sighed inwardly, the aching feeling of guilt increased every time he felt Chi-chi's chest heave as she breathed systematically.

Goku smiled as he watched his wife sleep. The memories of her throughout his life wafted through his mind. Their marriage may have been arrange but love could never be so. Tonight Goku felt so much was owed to her. Chi-chi looked a picture of purity, Goku thought as he gently stroked her pale face. Smoothing away her loose ebony hair to reveal her porcelain like facial features.

As Goku felt sleep conquering his body, he leaned on his arm, cupping Chi-chi's face with a large hand he kissed her still lips tenderly. Mentally thanking her for something Goku could never explain. Goku removed his lips from her, savouring her taste before sleep completely invaded his body. He never heard Chi-chi waking up, whispering her message to his ear.

"Goku, I wish you'd never stop"

Goku woke up the next morning to the smell of cooking bacon. He sat up in bed, lazily rubbing sleep from his eyes. As he glanced towards the empty side of the bed. The previous nights thoughts came flooding back, along with the aching guilt that made his heart heavy. Goku heard the light steps of Gohan as he ran through the hallway and again he felt down.

Goku didn't consider himself a good father nor a fit husband.

He clambered out of bed, stuffing his large feet into a pair of white slippers Bulma had given to him for one of his previous birthdays. He reached for a white dressing gown, and put it on roughly covering his half naked large frame. With that he started shuffling through to the kitchen, sleep still evading through his actions. 

Goku felt his stomach leap for joy as he saw the food assembled on the dining table, Gohan had already gotten through half of it. He ate fast and messy, careful to avoid staining his white chinese style shirt. Goku watched him with a tinge of awe, his son looked so handsome and it was strange to see him dressed like any other child his age instead of the usual fighting gear he adorned. Goku then acknowledge Chi-Chi, her small figure standing over the frying pan as she hummed a tune familiar to Goku. Goku gazed at her involuntarily while she was oblivious to his presence. Her hair was in its usual form this morning, neat and non fussy. Though today she wore a different chinese style dress. It was sleeveless with red ties, due to the summer heat she had neglected the usual pants normally worn underneath the thigh slitted dress. Goku smiled slyly as he caught a glimpse of her pale legs through the long slit as she moved to reach for some more bacon.

Gohan caught sight of Goku in his white dress robe and slippers. Gohan attempted to greet his father enthusiastically but was prevented by his food gorged cheeks and Goku motioning him to be quiet by placing a finger to his lips. Gohan watched Goku curiously, eating his breakfast more slowly and precisely. Goku crept behind Chi-chi as she shoved the hot bacon onto a clean plate and then winked at Gohan who smiled encouragingly back. Chi-Chi continued cooking still unaware of Goku until she felt his hands wrap around her waist and his hot breath against her neck. Chi-Chi dropped the oily spatula in shock, before turning around to face Goku who smiled shyly at her. 

"Goku?" Chi-Chi whispered as goose bumps formed where Goku was now nuzzling her neck. "Goku! Honestly, Gohan's watching!" Chi-Chi scolded Goku as she glanced at Gohan who sat open mouthed, surprised at such a open sign of affection. However, Chi-Chi made no attempt at stopping him as he kissed her at the nape of her neck, making her back arch.

"I'll leave some for later" said Goku mysteriously as he let go of Chi-Chi.

Chi-chi tried not to show her pouting, placing her hands on her hips as she made a meek attempt at glaring at Goku. He smiled back at her widely.

"Goku...are you feeling alright, honey?" Chi-chi asked concerned yet flattered.

Goku knew what she was thinking, it was obvious. Judging from her shock and Gohan's cringe Goku knew that it was rare of any of them to initiate such an encounter. The rush of intimacy between them was indescribable - but it was certainly there. Goku had seen it when Chi-chi looked at him with her ebony eyes. 

"Relax Chi-Chi. I'm fine" Goku reassured.

"If you say so, now eat up so you can have a good days training" Chi-Chi said as she passed yet another laden plate of food onto the table

"I think Gohan and I will take the day off again" stated Goku as he tightened his dressing gown before yawning, stretching his arms above his spiky mass of golden hair. Chi-Chi raised her eyebrows, she felt a tinge of worry that days before the fate of the universe is determined, her husband decides to relax. Still she shrugged it off. Typical Goku. Goku and Gohan were now constantly in super-saiyan form despite not being angry, which relieved her. Goku had never failed her before and she prayed that Goku never will. As Chi-Chi turned back to her cooking, this time pancakes, her mind wandered to what Goku had said about 'leaving some for later'. She shivered a little despite the warmth and wondered what he meant. Chi-Chi craved the touch of her husband, so much more the he'll ever know. Although he may have killed beings with his raw power, it was all in the name of good. He had never laid a touch on her that was no harder then pure cotton. Ignoring the times when Goku sometimes forgets the real power he is capable of. Though Chi-Chi chose to ignore those occurrences, going head first trough a tree trunk as large as the width of her car was a little more then she could handle. Chi-Chi started humming again, the words forming rhythmatically in her mind.

'She's just so sweet, so fine

So polite too

Chi-Chi, I'd like to be for you

But the only, only way I know

Takes so long, so long'

Goku had sung this song to her many years beforehand, she still remembered his embarrassment of singing yet he was willing to sacrifice his pride for her. Ever since then, Goku had neither sung nor written any songs. Twas a shame, she thought. Though his voice was a little dodgy the mere thought of attempting to please her was just so appealing.

Ok, more to come. I wrote this story in one of my school exercise books and it's taking ages to type it all up. Hope you guys like it.


	2. Chapter 2: The truth hurts

Authors notes: Yeah...I don't own Dragon ball Z...or any part of it except! *Pulls out Mirai Trunks' cheap plastic sword from Toy world" For my trusty authentic Mirai trunks' sword...yes girly girls (and girly boys), the sweaty palm of the hunk of man flesh himself has touched this wonderfully real sword...and with the help of the sword, helped to mangle many people. Oh, yeah and the lyrics, from the last chapter were real lyrics except for one word. The song is "Sophie" by Goodshirt. They're a new New Zealand band and they rock! Yes, shameless endorsing R' me.

Please review and thanks to the 6 people that did review this story. I love you all...no...I REALLY love you all...

I'm not really all that crazy. Honest.

Recapping: (The recapping is really for me, since I'm copying this story from my crappy exercise book and I can't really read my writing. Call me sad. Rip my exercise book in half. Whatever, just let me learn not to sleep (Not the dirty sleep - the 'snore sleep' , and brackets within brackets?!) with my Mirai Trunks' sword...oh, and lets not forget my multicoloured hair Troll, lolly canister whom has been affectionately christened as Vegeta "The hippy")

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She's just so sweet, so fine

So polite too

Chi-Chi, I'd like to be for you

But the only, only way I know

Takes so long, so long

Goku had sung this to Chi-Chi many years before hand...blah blah blah....

Ever since then, Goku had neither sung nor written any songs for his wife, but the tune and lyrics would always be imprinted into Chi-Chi's mind. 

"Gohan honey? What are you planning to do today?" Chi-Chi asked, looking at her only son with a silent pride. Chi-Chi watched still slightly awed, as he shrugged his broadening shoulders.

"I dunno, mom" he answered as he teasingly stole a piece of oil laden bacon from his father's fast emptying plate.

Chi-Chi glanced at Goku who was furiously eating, she thought about the last time they were completely alone, indulging in each other's presence and today was where such an opportunity arose.

"Do you mind going to the store for me?" she asked noticing with a small gasp how handsome her only son was becoming, especially with his erratic hair finally being cut. "The list is on the refrigerator, and I'll get some money out for you to buy everything AND to have a little fun yourself!"

"Wow, mom. No It's fine...Thanks" Gohan wolfed the remains of his breakfast, bringing up the emptied plates and cutlery to the already over-flowing sink.

"Thank you, Honey" Chi-Chi took hold of his plates and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek, he returned the kiss and hugged her suddenly. Chi-Chi felt the air from her lungs escape as Gohan clutched her, 'how strange' she thought. 

Gohan squeezed her harder still "Mom, I love you..." he said before quietly padding out the kitchen in his bare feet, leaving Chi-Chi puzzled and un-nerved. Goku watched her confusing as he swallowed a piece of bacon. He analysed the situation, the sudden hug confirmed to Goku that Gohan was feeling unsettled, the tournament was looming and he felt as he should be, as what was natural : Nervous

Chi-Chi then sat next to Goku and began eating her own plate of breakfast. The silence between Goku and Chi-Chi was in no way uncomfortable, but it was merely enough for each other to become accustomed to one another and indulge in each others presence, no matter what they may be doing.

Chi-Chi cleared her throat and gave a side ways glance at Goku. She was surprised to see Goku gazing back at her with such a strange, almost un-nerving loving look. Goku turned his head quickly as he saw her glance.

"Chi-Chi?" he murmured as he placed his large hand on Chi-Chi's bare knee underneath the dark stained wooden dining table. Chi-Chi stopped eating and turned to face his green eyes, thinking how curious it was to see him with jade like eyes instead of his ebony coal eyes.

"What is it Goku?" Chi-Chi asked, her heart beating a little faster as he felt his hand move up her thigh from her knee.

"I, uh...want to tell you something, just in case , I don't come back..." Goku stammered as he cast his eyes down to his empty, greased plate.

Chi-Chi felt her muscles tense "Don't come back? What do you mean?" shrieked Chi-Chi, looking at him shocked, contemplating why he might say such a thing.

"Chi-Chi, hear me out, these cell games. I don't think I'll be able to survive through them" Goku said wearily,.

"Then why aren't you training?" Chi-Chi asked looking deeply stressed, tears forming in her dark eyes.

"No amount of training will be able to prepare me this time. cell is strong, I can sense his Ki from here and it's getting stronger every second" Goku said, sounding very strained. Teras were now snaking down Chi-Chi's face, Goku felt a little better telling her but the aching feeling remained, throbbing through his veins.

"Goku..." Chi-Chi whimpered as she grasped his body roughly and hugged him.

"The worlds going to be alright though" Goku whispered, nuzzling into Chi-Chi's ear as she sobbed uncontrollably onto his shoulder. Chi-Chi looked up and sniffed indignantly.

"What's the point Goku? Tell me...what's the point the world revolves when I don't have you?"

"Chi-Chi...don't say that" he pleaded, Goku paused as Chi-Chi lifted her streaming face away from his shoulder. "I'll always love you no matter where I am" 

Chi-Chi gulped as fresh tears flowed down her grief stricken face.

"Is that it? Your life confession?" Chi-Chi asked imperiously, wringing her pale hands on her apron. Goku nodded and gently held her waist, pulling her towards him so the grief may surge out. The heat of summer wafted throughout the interior of the house and bright sunlight filtered through the mesh nets in the windows. Outside, the sky was a stunning light blue and everything was illuminated by the glare of the sun. To Chi-Chi it seemed a sin for nature to be so joyful when her whole world was crumbling through. 

Goku had basically said he wasn't coming back, but, what was the reason? The real reason? The others had been collecting dragon balls to revive all those that would inevitable perish under the siege of cell.

"Goku, even if you do...die...aren't you going to be revived?" Chi-Chi asked tentatively, as she laid her head on Goku's shoulder, feeling his heart beat so strongly against her back.

"No, Chi-Chi - when the time comes. You'll understand" Goku said "I just wanted to let you know first"

Chi-Chi released herself from Goku's grasp and quickly wiped to corners of her sodden eyes. Attempting to smile she spoke.

"Goku. Nothing is definite" she reassured as she bustled around the kitchen, clearing up the breakfast ware, clumsily dropping them onto the floor. She gave a yelp as the crockery smashed against the hand linoleum floor. Chi-Chi dropped to her knees and started cleaning up the broken china. Goku crouched down, feeling like he'd let her down again as he painfully watched as fat tears fell from her eyes. Chi-Chi was distraught, Goku may not have received adequate education but his intuition was always spot on. When it came to Goku, Chi-Chi knew that with him, things were always definite. 


End file.
